He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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