oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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