I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
