Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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