Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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