I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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