Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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