my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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