just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
