Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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