it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
