I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
