I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
