Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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