Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
