If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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