i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
