Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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