Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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