Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
