You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
