Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you win again, gameday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ttyl tear gas
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
