My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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