You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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