she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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