How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
