the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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