i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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