I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
