After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
