i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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