There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
