we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
