can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
