i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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