I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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