i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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