i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you would pick up someone in the library
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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