Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
