Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
