the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
