is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The best revenge is premature balding
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
