I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
