About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
