Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
