How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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