So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
