You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
