they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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