if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
