You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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