Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
