ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.