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• (903): View more from Texas

  I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

  (903): View more from Texas

  That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  no. you can't hotbox the world.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

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• (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe

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• (347): View more from New York

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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• (518): View more from New York

  Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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