If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds