I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...