Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Me too!

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(512): View more from Texas

He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.

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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.

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(817): View more from Texas

Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E

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