I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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