We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
