somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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