The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
