Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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