i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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