your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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