I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
