Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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