you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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