it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
