I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love having hate sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
