Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
